Born illegitimately to a hairdresser and a dickhead, Alfonse was a forbidden foetus. His Mum left before he was born to pursue her career as a dickhead, while his Dad’s high profile job left no place for him in his life. Abandoned to The Mob, with only a haircut to remember his real patents by, Alfonse grew up mentored by The Boss (Who had taken a shine to him, as he reminded him of a ferret he’d once had). Raised the same way as a ferret, Alfonse remains the charge of his mentor.
Voted Most Likely To: Be prepared as a feast for Nelson Mandela.